Thoughts On Getting Older

This picture is a reflection of a woman who is deeply involved with herself. Don’t mind the background or my beautiful spouse but rather hear my heart. This moment is a fraction of many moments in my life that are often so fleeting due to the demands of life, a career that I love, motherhood + many other wonderful things that I am blessed to do. Yet there is a transition that my body is slowing shifting to or at least I am yearning for. I desire to be free of one thing + that is my “moon.”

As a black woman who has carried 3 children, lost one due to miscarriage + brought 2 earth side while nursing them both, I am exhausted. The journey of motherhood has been laborious for me because I was over it before I actually knew it. Having a cycle way beyond the time that you desire to have children seems pointless to me. The amount of time it has taken me to adjust + re adjust to my body each month for a total of 7 days is treacherous on the black female body. I am thankful for my body + the things that it has been capable of doing such as gymnastics when I was younger along with ballet…I am grateful for every inch of my body. However, if I were to be unequivocally honest, my ovaries need to rest from the purging of past lovers + old heartbreaks. It needs to re-emerge to carry the weight of the women that will come behind me.

This moment in my life is emotional because the truth is, I can’t believe that I am done with the season of birthing children + now I would rather support them. I would rather be an elder + use my body in other ways that are more sustainable for my mind + emotions. I would rather hold space for the mothers that need a shoulder during their years of nurturing. I would rather be free of releasing the pain of a burden down womb. This picture is a reflection of a weekend with my wife where it was ended abruptly by a migraine caused by my cycle that put me in bed for two days. This is my journey of releasing my cycle.