The Man I Never Knew

When I think about my father + I there are few memories. Some of which are tainted with absence, addiction, laughter + hurt; yet it all tells a beautiful story of a man I never knew. When I think over the history of my life experiencing my father, I remember the silence of a man that never understood the power of his own words due to the pain of his own parents. His laughter was filled with all the things that he often desired as a child but never got to enjoy until he became a man. His stature was built from being torn down from the lack of a mothers’ touch, a father’s affirmation + a world that didn’t see the value in him. His anger was often like the wind, unpredictable + harsh; but if you were armed with the right stance you could learn a lot from his breeze.

Despite our distance, I have carried all of his traits at one point in my life.

This picture is a reflection of a much gentle; yet fragile man that is easily wounded if you use the right pejorative. His reflection is more jovial + he has so much more life to live. Recently he beat cancer + I was nowhere to be found. Even more recent he lost his wife + I was by his side every step of the way. Life is funny in that some seasons we can’t seem to prepare enough; while others we just usher the presence of every element hoping that something worthwhile is underneath every change. I am proud to say that my father + I are on the mend + we are determined to ride this thing out. Ironically, I have spent most of my life chasing my parents, but it wasn’t until I let them go that they both showed up in my life with a open heart of acceptance. This picture is part of my journey of healing + I’m glad that I never gave up on me + the potential of what Spirit was capable of doing.