Justikeandthetribe

Leading With Love and Compassion

This blog is for the individual that desires more of themselves + the people in their lives.

CanadaTheGreat, Don't Forget To Love Yourself!

September 13, 2022 by Ikeranda Smith in black, black mothers, children, family, love, parenting, relationships, raising secure kids

Being a mother raising a daughter, you quickly realize where your deficits are. Girls become a mirror for the wounded mother that wasn’t loved by their mother outwardly or validated by their father. Girls become a reflection of everything their mothers didn’t learn because shame crippled the generation before them. Girls become an image of all your wishes while at the same time becoming your triggers. I was a black girl that wasn’t accepted. Not because my mother didn’t want to, but because she didn’t have it mirrored back to her in a tangible way that led her to believe it was attainable. My mother didn’t think she could carry such a heavy mantle, so she dropped it, and I graciously picked it up, but not without some scars.

The Man I Never Knew

February 01, 2021 by Ikeranda Smith in black, black fathers, children, love, parenting, relationships, spirituality

When I think about my father + I there are few memories. Some of which are tainted with absence, addiction, laughter + hurt; yet it all tells a beautiful story of a man I never knew. When I think over the history of my life experiencing my father, I remember the silence of a man that never understood the power of his own words due to the pain of his own parents. His laughter was filled with all the things that he often desired as a child but never got to enjoy until he became a man. His stature was built from being torn down from the lack of a mothers’ touch, a father’s affirmation + a world that didn’t see the value in him. His anger was often like the wind, unpredictable + harsh; but if you were armed with the right stance you could learn a lot from his breeze.

Meditate

December 14, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in black, history, life, love, purpose, queer, spirituality

My mind is often consumed with petitions graciously offered up to the Creator. It is important to remain in my lane with the awareness that I am constantly becoming. I have tried to simplify my mission, clarify my space + the individuals in it. I’m speaking of modifying my distractions + the amount of times I have to re-learn the same lesson. I am conveying the only thing that matters to me is showing up for me. If it seems selfish then clearly you lack boundaries, your filter is low + you are dolling out obligations to people that are getting you further away from your goals. I suggest that all people choose themselves.. First! Healing is imminent whether you accept it or not.

Parenting A Middle Schooler During A Pandemic

October 26, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in black mothers, children, life, motherhood, relationships

There are many moments as a parent that I am in awe of the Canada’s design. I admit, her design is unmatched when I look back at my younger self. Not to compare + contrast the various idiosyncrasies that we have, but I am grateful. Many times as parents we have inserted our own frailties in an effort to help our children along, forgetting they don’t belong to us. I have asked forgiveness, made stronger bonds + sadly made a few dents along the way. Bygones! We persist!

Forgiveness: The New Antidote

September 07, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in black, LGBTQIA, life, love, loveislove, marriage, personal growth, queer, relationships

Making relationships work with another human being comes at a high price especially when you are trying to do something you have never witnessed. Partnerships are messy, raising children can be complicated + loving yourself in the process of unpacking another individual’s trauma can bring about a whole new set of challenges. I am convinced that Spirit had a sense of humor when they constructed the beautiful idea of connecting with another individual.

No Fear

December 06, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, history, life, people of color, personal growth, purpose, queer, spirituality

Lately I have been unraveling fear + dissecting how it has caused a wedge in areas of my life. How it has allowed me to listen to well-meaning individuals that refuse to take their own advice. I am convinced that my life + everything about it was the best thing that could have happened to me. Every. Single. Part. Hiding for years has ignited a power in me that permits me to rise into the woman I am destined to be. Being black + queer is everything despite the weight that comes with the obligation of it. It’s hella complicated!

Perspective Of A 40 Year Old Black Woman

May 28, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, life, love, personal development, spirituality, womanaremagic, women of color

There are moments in life that seemed very different when I was younger + this is one of them. I imagined 40 to look ancient as I decide whether to wash another load of clothes or fix lunches with inconsequential utensils. I pictured myself being in a rat race most days virtually unrecognizable to myself. I visualized myself in a rut, nestled in marriage trying to dodge the 7-year itch + hanging with people who have amputated parts of themselves just to fit in. I envisioned dragging my children to activities as I listen to random people discuss parts of their life they hate. Then I hit 40 + I realized that this moment is more than I ever dreamed. In fact, at 40 I became more of a woman by allowing my scars to be the fuel to navigate my purpose. Actually, at 40 I fell more in love with myself by loving another human being from a perpetual space of forgiveness. If truth be told, at 40 I acknowledged that I hate cooking, I need intimacy at the same frequency as sex or nothing less + I am so grateful to love what I do every day. As a matter of fact, at 40 I recognized that I enjoy people who reflect goodness a hell of lot more than people who deplete my energy. Honestly, at 40 I liberated my children in a way that set us both free + gave me permission to be a woman. The truth is, at 40 I fell in love with me + the beautiful messy journey that got me to this point. Actually, at 40 I am resolved.

And We Mourn Some More

April 05, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, history, life, love, motherhood, parenting, people of color, personal growth, purpose, relationships, spirituality, women of color

Lately, I have been mourning the parts of me that carry the pain of holding onto my will for so long. I ache at the thought of surrendering + I cringe at the work that is going into relinquishing years of trauma. My muscles are bruised from the plight of being a single mother. There are parts of me that collapse under years of silence; having to stuff down fragmented sentences hoping that later they would make sense. Make no mistake, the heart listens to the suppressed emotions that eventually manifests in our bodies + the deeper burden is to be aware of it all. With every bit of knowledge and acknowledgment there comes an inevitable lingering despair which beckons us to forgive.

Complexities of Being Black

February 26, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, history, LGBTQIA, life, love, loveislove, personal growth, personal development, relationships, women of color, people of color

There is a heartbreaking tenderness about black folks. A majestic story that is spoken through stolen slaves + subjugated bodies. Our faces are centuries away from our soul; yet we carry the smile of humanness. An accessibility we would allow if we knew how to enter our own spirits. It’s evident that our feet carry the shackles of insecurities proven to shatter relationships when we come up against our own likeness. We struggle to love due to the threats that were made to keep us isolated. Oh, how I love being black. Did you think I wouldn’t after I divulged some of our frailties? Despite our struggles, we are larger than life, precious jewels that create art through our pain while we use laughter as a salve to heal so that we may survive yet another day.

Thank you 2018

December 31, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in life, love, personal development, personal growth, queer, women of color, womensupportingwomen

Life is mysterious + magical in the most ironic way. It can be filled with deep sadness; yet infused with the most exuberant moments. My existence was tested this year when I was met with the challenge of being married + navigating a long distance relationship while my wife wrapped up her old life to build a new one with me. My entire creation was questioned when I made the decision to remove my mother from my life while being an only child with an estranged father. Meanwhile, the ancestors were working on my behalf as I was navigating the laborious process of purchasing my first home. Not to mention, I was on the cusp of turning 40 + not a minute too soon. Evolution was demanding a more resolved woman that didn’t consume the room upon entrance with heavily weighted credentials but a voice doused in quiet strength determined to chart her own path.

Finding Peace

November 07, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in life, personal development, personal growth, queer, womanaremagic, women of color

I’ve been trying to nestle into a new space, find solace in fulfilling work, create the marriage I never saw while raising secure children. Looking for a gentle place where security is a constant, love is mirrored daily + my children can thrive is a delicate balancing act. It’s seems effortless as I ravel off years of rhetoric coupled with theories doused in all the residencies I attended just to be able to apply knowledge to my own life. The mere fact that I can write such a candid narrative is evidence that the scars of my ancestors are being healed.

Evolving

October 23, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in careers, education, leadership, life, personal growth, queer, women of color, womanaremagic

Finding my place in the world has been exhilarating, disconcerting, and often times intimidating. After a few missteps in life, I have slowly learned to do what feels beneficial to me. Ironically, in a world full of pretentious over-doers, I have often felt like my best wasn’t good enough. While all accomplishments are commendable, I have learned that some are often disregarded because they don’t look successful enough by society’s standards. If your hustle is otherworldly like mine, then you quietly devote your life to the things that will allow you to keep your integrity and ultimately make you happy.

The Man Behind My Name

October 17, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in life, parenting, personal development, personal growth, relationships, women of color, queer

My father is a strong man. Yet, when I was younger he wasn’t tough enough to stay faithful, or solid enough to be present, not even sturdy enough to be drug-free, and definitely not robust enough to not be physically and verbally abusive. I believe that you have to fully understand a person in order to see the good in them (trust me, I am going somewhere with this). I don’t believe in making excuses for people because some things are just unacceptable! However, clarity is a powerful thing when coupled with understanding.

Weight Of Being Me

October 08, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in life, personal development, personal growth, women of color

As I get older, I slowly become aware of all there is to me. I learn to heal quicker, sit in things longer to get a better understanding, forgive quicker, love more, admit when learning a lesson is painful, and cry from a space of healing. Also, I understand that I should never compromise a whole abundant gallon size me for a watered down pint size version. So becomes the un-equipping of years of overcompensating, not speaking up, and abandoning the Divine in me.

The Woman I Never Knew

September 10, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in motherhood, parenting, women of color, relationships

My mother, Mavis A. Carter (born McRae) is the oldest girl of 12 siblings. She was born in the 1940’s just a few years removed from slavery. The sound of that truth still haunts me; yet allows me immense understanding of who my mother was destined to be. I am a firm believer that every child should fully understand the weight of who your parents are. Alcarez, as she is affectionately called is absolutely forthright, exceptionally amusing, tremendously magnanimous, and relatively convoluted. However, I was blessed with the privilege of having her as a mother. I don’t think I always believed that it was a privilege, but wisdom grows as your experience of the world is elevated.