Leading With Love and Compassion
This blog is for the individual that desires more of themselves + the people in their lives.
Before my wife and I reunited and embarked on this journey toward marriage, I held onto a profound belief in my inherent worthiness of love. It wasn't just a hope or a fleeting desire; it was a conviction that resonated deep within my soul. Despite finding contentment in my solitude, there was a quiet anticipation building within me, like the calm before a gentle storm, signaling that love was on its way.
Read MoreAs a Black queer woman, I've traversed a complex landscape of love, identity, and understanding within the context of my marriage. I vividly recall observing my wife's interactions with her nephews, sensing a tender longing for something she felt she lacked. Despite her deep love for her father, their relationship was shadowed by the complexities of alcoholism, divorce, and a blended family.
Read MoreAfter a brief hiatus filled with life's twists and turns, I'm ecstatic to share some exciting news. Starting next year, our weekly blog rendezvous resumes! Brace yourselves for the grand return with THREE new posts on January 1st. 🎉
Read MoreIn a world that often adheres to heteronormative and patriarchal norms, being both queer and black can present unique challenges. As individuals who proudly embrace our identities, we navigate the complexities of societal expectations and family dynamics while advocating for respect and understanding. In this blog, we will explore the struggles faced by queer black individuals, particularly within the context of marriage and family, and discuss empowering ways to teach others how to treat us.
Read MoreI did not grow up with my parents staying together. It was one of the things that I missed the most. Not them specifically being together, but the idea of a love so expansive that it survives. I would have settled for a divorce coupled with a reconciliation that echoes “We did it.” It never happened + I never got to see two people making it, in + out of love. I missed that. It was not like I was a child that whispered, “God please keep my parents together.” I often prayed the opposite + hoped that they find peace individually. However, as I got older, I begin to see that relationships are this complex narrative that everyone tries to figure out. Some people never figure it out because they in no way make it to the part that ends in completion. It just stops. Abruptly sometimes, but all at once. Sometimes it ends so rapidly, everything comes undone + nothing can be salvaged. I was hoping that my parents could reclaim a few things left from the wreckage. But they never survived.
Read MoreThis picture is such a true depiction of you. Always unbothered + beautiful with just enough audacity to be everything for me. Even on days when I try to convince myself that God made a mistake, you show up with a hand full of grace + a heart full of compassion. I’ve learned that loving you is like saying a prayer that is answered daily. I love you proudly + intimately bearing witness to the work the Creator is doing in your life. You anchor everything in love + for that I am grateful.
Read MoreThis is a glimpse of a spiritual partnership. The bigger the work of healing things your parents couldn’t; the higher the risk +the greater the reward. We are responsible for crossing thresholds that we could potentially fall in. This endeavor beckons us to bet on us + all the possibilities while we have yet to fully unpack the power I ancestors had. This entire journey impacts the mere foundation we tread upon daily. Our love is an offering coupled with the work it takes to withstand the totality of an experience that brings about transformation as two new human beings emerge. Its complicated!
Read MoreI am understanding that you must respect truth + all the many forms that it comes in. Pain is pervasive sometimes in that it surfaces through the most joyous moments. I honor that truth even though it can be fragile, frayed with jagged edges promising not to injure once it released…it does…at least …sometimes! Nevertheless, I take a deep breath daily as I listen to the pain of various people. Hoping not to see another failed relationship. So I hold space until we as people can ground ourselves in love + accountability. Truth always maims even when you are aware of it. It amputates limbs that have been used to oppress others from recycled trauma. It’s complicated!
Read MoreWith the recent pandemic my wife + I have been creating moments to find more intimacy. You know the instances where you speak with no words; yet you understand one another. Since the kids have been home with remote learning we have made a concerted effort to stay connected because we understand that during these difficult times it is easy to lose sight of things. With a house full of HSP’s (highly sensitive people) we all must find moments to create laughter, love + tons of compassion. However, the joy is my wife + I beginning to ride this invisible wave of understanding despite children + careers. We have started to recognize the importance of loving each other through difficult moments even when we don’t want to.
Read MoreWhen I look at you I am reminded of all the petitions I have asked of the Creator. You + I are so non-traditional; yet we are anchored in love. Not the adoration that is whimsical drenched in false narratives. Not the admiration that lives for the surface dynamics with massive amounts of sex without substance. We aren’t even the appreciation that only speaks of the good because those of us that are really breaking generational trauma fully understand that love is far from cliché + if you are making it work you are doing everything different than what your family did.
Read MoreWe have known each other for years, but we learn more about one another daily. Raising children while raising ourselves + nurturing our union has been quite a juggling act. We have recognized that our union is always the focus. We must stay together + model healthy love not just for us but for other black queer couples. Falling in love with a fallacy is the demise of black families because we fail for an image that we never created. So we are all trying to make peace with a narrative that escaped the ship when the rest of our ancestors did.
Read MoreMaking life work with you is revolutionary + necessary. Not because we are perfect or that we couldn’t be with someone else that oozes with pulchritudinous splendor, but rather we want to make our love work. Every day I pray for you to keep evolving in this space we are cultivating for both of us to expand. Every day I pray that we work harder on our character than we do on staying. See staying is nothing without the will to be forgiving. Hell, staying is nothing without the capacity to see the worst in someone + say “you good...I promise I got you.” Truth is staying is nothing without the testimony of how we make this work.
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This moment is healing in motion striving to overcome the absence of women that put strained obligations of family + career before their children. Bygones! These smiles are therapeutic chandeliers that we are now beginning to hang in lieu of carrying the burdens of unmet needs of endless generations. These emotions are amplified from years of suppressing joy due to abusive lovers, absent parents, neglectful grandparents, Jim Crow, share cropping + clandestine meetings shared between broken adults recycling trauma. It’s complicated! Being black is complicated!
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This relationship started from a simple email sent all the way from Nairobi, Kenya 🇰🇪 from a beautiful light that decided to take a chance on building a friendship. Who knew? Who knew that we would have a mutual affinity for one another? Who knew that as soon as she had a business trip to the states that it was imperative that we share time + space?
Read MoreWhen I decided to love you I asked the Creator one thing + that was to sustain our love. To give us back every year that our parents spent separated + divorced due to addiction. I asked for intentional presence that despite every hurdle we drew closer together. Proximity is everything with you! I asked for us to dwell in love + even when it seemed difficult that it would surface in the last place we put it.
Read MoreLately, I have been mourning the parts of me that carry the pain of holding onto my will for so long. I ache at the thought of surrendering + I cringe at the work that is going into relinquishing years of trauma. My muscles are bruised from the plight of being a single mother. There are parts of me that collapse under years of silence; having to stuff down fragmented sentences hoping that later they would make sense. Make no mistake, the heart listens to the suppressed emotions that eventually manifests in our bodies + the deeper burden is to be aware of it all. With every bit of knowledge and acknowledgment there comes an inevitable lingering despair which beckons us to forgive.
Read MoreI consciously live in color as it relates to my relationship with my wife. Intentionally dissecting the effort, it takes to love another human being. Regularly our conversations consist of what it takes to make a marriage work when we have never witnessed a successful union. Frequently, we communicate the pain that stains our perspective as we contemplate the route we should take to unhinge our own wills. Often we forgive fully understanding that love is a choice + we don’t always get to decide on how we get to distribute it. It’s eerily complicated! A space only those who dare reside can humbly admit, it’s everything you hoped + nothing like you ever expected.
Read MoreThere is a heartbreaking tenderness about black folks. A majestic story that is spoken through stolen slaves + subjugated bodies. Our faces are centuries away from our soul; yet we carry the smile of humanness. An accessibility we would allow if we knew how to enter our own spirits. It’s evident that our feet carry the shackles of insecurities proven to shatter relationships when we come up against our own likeness. We struggle to love due to the threats that were made to keep us isolated. Oh, how I love being black. Did you think I wouldn’t after I divulged some of our frailties? Despite our struggles, we are larger than life, precious jewels that create art through our pain while we use laughter as a salve to heal so that we may survive yet another day.
Read MoreTo be perfectly honest, being a mother transformed me. It exposed my agony of growing up without a father + it opened my soul to the woman my mother desired to be. In fact, it reminds me that everything isn’t as easy as it looks + sometimes raising your child looks eerily similar to your own upbringing. I imagine when the Universe bestowed children to individuals, it was a form of endearment. Somehow, I’m still learning how to parent myself hoping that my children make it to adulthood minimally unscathed. Daily I gather my mistakes + rinse them with goodness hoping to see a better reflection of myself. Every day I speak life into my children for all the conversations that escaped me as a child. Regularly, I shower them with love for all the adoration that went towards cultivating a warm house + full fridge. Frequently, I show up with arms wide for all the closed doors + silent evenings that were normalized as security. I’ve learned that the joy of motherhood exists in giving my children what I didn’t have.
Read MoreI was raised by a mother who was tough as a fistful of “no thank you’s”; yet resilient enough to beckon the sun to shine even when it was raining. She raised most of her siblings, missed half of the school year working to provide for her family + married the first person that resembled a deep breath. Convinced that she had escaped a life of monotony, she conceived me with a man who never achieved success, so he recycled ignorance. Nevertheless, my mother raised me with fortitude + grace bestowing on me all of her failed dreams + the effects of being neglected. It sounds cruel as if my life was being ruined; however, it was being created from the residue of a generation that carried the weight of being extraordinarily resilient.
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