Overcoming

I did not grow up with my parents staying together. It was one of the things that I missed the most. Not them specifically being together, but the idea of a love  so expansive that it survives. I would have settled for a divorce coupled with a reconciliation that echoes “We did it.” It never happened + I never got to see two people making it, in + out of love. I missed that. It was not like I was a child that whispered, “God please keep my parents together.” I often prayed the opposite + hoped that they find peace individually. However, as I got older, I begin to see that relationships are this complex narrative that everyone tries to figure out. Some people never figure it out because they in no way make it to the part that ends in completion. It just stops. Abruptly sometimes, but all at once. Sometimes it ends so rapidly, everything comes undone + nothing can be salvaged. I was hoping that my parents could reclaim a few things left from the wreckage. But they never survived.

There are very few times as an adult that I can honestly say, I have been able to see my parents together. Not because they still held animosity, or they did not still love one another. It was life. It was being black + growing up during times when there weren’t any resources. It was allowing too much life to get in between the words that never were spoken. It was not realizing that we weren’t bad people. It was not understanding addiction + how it robs children of families. It was not accepting that no one is perfect + sometimes you have to grow into a union. It was being afraid to admit they didn’t have the tools; yet they were determined to be different. Better. Whole. It was Jim Crow + the effects of slavery. It was being black + constantly living under a lens that felt that black families weren’t worthy of success.

This is a recent picture of my mom + dad. I am grateful that they are both in my life at the same time. I have been accustomed to being a lonely, only child. I have learned that everything doesn’t last + some people don’t have the patience or resolve to allow the magic to take place. Some would ask, “Do you miss your mom + dad being together?” No! I miss black people being together. I desire to see black couples loving one another. I long for black relationships to thrive under better conditions. I need black relationships to succeed beyond moments of frustration + confusion. Further than seconds of addiction + mental illness. Outside of moments of abuse + neglect. So until then, I hold this picture near my heart realizing that Spirit is giving me what I need because my parents have gone before me. Despite them not making it, they are rooting on me to + that is pretty damn amazing.