Leading With Love and Compassion
This blog is for the individual that desires more of themselves + the people in their lives.
As a Black queer woman, I've traversed a complex landscape of love, identity, and understanding within the context of my marriage. I vividly recall observing my wife's interactions with her nephews, sensing a tender longing for something she felt she lacked. Despite her deep love for her father, their relationship was shadowed by the complexities of alcoholism, divorce, and a blended family.
Read MoreEmbark on a riveting exploration into the intricate tapestry of love—a journey that defies conventional norms and redefines the very essence of connection. In the shadows of my upbringing, where love was laden with invisible strings, and my wife's struggle to reconcile her authentic self with societal expectations, we found ourselves navigating uncharted waters.
Read MoreCo-parenting has changed the way I view marriage as a black woman. Being in a healthy co-parenting relationship has shown me the importance of communication, trust, and respect in any relationship. It has also made me work harder on my relationship with my wife. We are constantly learning from each other, communicating more effectively, and supporting each other through the ups and downs of life. Our co-parenting relationship has been a strength and inspiration for our marriage. It has taught me valuable lessons about what it means to love and support your partner truly.
Read MoreBeing married when it is done correctly changes everyone involved. As I get older, I recognize that marriage is a container that isn’t always open to drink from. People hide their true selves under the microscope of perfection. It makes it impossible for other people to grow and learn how to live in a liberating way. My wife and I have grown in the face of confusion and disappointment, and we have learned about the daily practice of sacred love. Contemplating how we love and what we need to be the best version of ourselves, we create intimacy, communicate and, of course, go to therapy.
Read MoreI am learning to love someone you have to collapse into yourself. Like really collapse to the point of humility. Real love leaves no room for ego. It requires vulnerability that devours shame + pushes you into interdependence. I am sure that years ago when I was in my 20’s if I have given into this belief, I would have drowned in my own guilt. I would not have been able to carry the mantle that “this” kind of love requires. I would have completely given in to the traditional narrative + turned all of my rage in own myself. I am sure of it!
Read MoreThere are times in life when all you know to do is surrender. Surrender to the process. the pain, the hurt + the uncertainty all in an effort to do something different while saving an entire generation. When I chose this life, this time I was sure that I wanted to live it “in love.” Not for the sake of companionship, but for the sake of growth, purpose + ease. I didn’t want to spend my life in a space of selfishness, although it was tempting. I wanted to grow. Despite sometimes being scared, I wanted to see if I was capable of being more than a liar, a cheater, a spoiled insecure black woman that needed someone to validate me. I wanted to see if I was capable of putting someone before my kids, my family + my career just for me to see the best in myself. Its entirely too complicated for this blog post.
Read MoreMaking life work with you is revolutionary + necessary. Not because we are perfect or that we couldn’t be with someone else that oozes with pulchritudinous splendor, but rather we want to make our love work. Every day I pray for you to keep evolving in this space we are cultivating for both of us to expand. Every day I pray that we work harder on our character than we do on staying. See staying is nothing without the will to be forgiving. Hell, staying is nothing without the capacity to see the worst in someone + say “you good...I promise I got you.” Truth is staying is nothing without the testimony of how we make this work.
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Loving my wife has come out of necessity, the desire to get something right. To succeed at relating to another human being in the most intimate way when you have never seen healthy relationships. When witnessing abusive love coupled with complacent love not to mention toxic love throughout your life you live in a perpetual space of survival. Working to beat the odds for fear of letting down an entire generation. It’s complicated!
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We love deeply because how else do you adore the woman that resembles your past; yet works hard to heal your future. I don’t know how after 15 years, distance, heartbreak, past lovers, mistakes, trauma, children, divorce + everything in between has kept us this in love. They say courting is not for bringing you together; but seeing if life can tear you apart. I would agree 100%! We see each other in ways that our parents didn’t get a chance to because of our father’s addiction. It’s complicated!
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I’ve never seen commitment modeled + I wouldn’t recognize it even if it was mirrored daily. I’ve witnessed so many poor examples that even the finest illustrations fall short of my expectation. I am critical of so-called relationships that represent this false sense of excelling. I am not impressed by relationships that hide behind busy children + elaborate hobbies + quiet filters. I am not fascinated by the years together when you reside in separate rooms + live isolated lives. It’s a thing!
Read MoreThere is no mystery that it takes an unusual amount of work to make a relationship work. As a matter of fact, I am convinced the strength of your relationship does not surface until two completely different individuals are nestled underneath the same roof seemingly living life. Meanwhile there is always the weight of reality that settles on the cracks of your delicate foundation as you pray that the structure doesn’t give under massive pressure; yet we strategically construct elaborate plans to pursue elusive #relationshipgoals. The truth is relationships are not merely some make-shift perfunctory union; rather it is an intentionally crafted business that decides to make things work.
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