Connection makes all the difference

Being married when it is done correctly changes everyone involved. As I get older, I recognize that marriage is a container that isn’t always open to drink from. People hide their true selves under the microscope of perfection. It makes it impossible for other people to grow and learn how to live in a liberating way. My wife and I have grown in the face of confusion and disappointment, and we have learned about the daily practice of sacred love. Contemplating how we love and what we need to be the best version of ourselves, we create intimacy, communicate and, of course, go to therapy.

I have come to realize that people are embarrassed by love. We hide, reject, fight, and only show what we think is fitting for it to be defined. Lately, my wife and I have been growing in a life that has allowed us to give more of ourselves to others than to one another. You realize that your relationship benefits from helping others and matures when you trust it with the weight of supporting another partnership. If we knew that marriage and collaboration would make us better people, we would define it more loosely and protect it more fiercely.

This picture is from a trip my wife, and I took to connect more deeply. She proposed to me again (my wife has proposed to me throughout our marriage) because she believes love is a choice, so we continue to choose one another. As we grow, we feel connected to nurture other black couples, hoping they will do the same. As a black queer couple, we recognize that our partnerships suffered because we failed to realize the importance of community. We all fail when one person fails, but when we succeed, it should be a head nod to our ancestors that we are forever indebted to protecting our families.