Embracing Growth and Togetherness
My wife and I are approaching a beautiful milestone: our marriage anniversary. With six children between us, we've journeyed through countless challenges and celebrated many triumphs.
Read MoreCelebrating Pride
As we celebrate Pride Month, I want to take a moment to share a bit about my journey as a Queer Black woman navigating the intersections of life. For many of us in the LGBTQIA+ community, our experiences are diverse. Some navigate the world freely, while others live their lives more anonymously. Yet, a shared experience for many of us is the need to come out multiple times, even after our initial coming out.
Read MoreJourneying Together Without Role Models
Navigating marriage, pursuing my passion, and aiding others in their journeys has been a profound commitment. My wife and I embarked on this path without the guidance of role models, dedicating ourselves wholeheartedly to personal growth.
Read MoreChoosing Love Purposefully
In my quest for longevity and fulfillment, I've come to realize that the cornerstone of such a life lies in the profound embrace of love. Reflecting on my journey, I can't pinpoint the exact moment when this revelation dawned upon me, but I vividly recall witnessing my mother's valiant struggle with love—a journey marked by single-handedly raising me, shouldering the burden of caring for her family, all while neglecting her own needs and battling with the shadows of depression.
Read MoreUnveiling Love
As a Black queer woman, I've traversed a complex landscape of love, identity, and understanding within the context of my marriage. I vividly recall observing my wife's interactions with her nephews, sensing a tender longing for something she felt she lacked. Despite her deep love for her father, their relationship was shadowed by the complexities of alcoholism, divorce, and a blended family.
Read MoreHealing as a Black Woman with My Wife and Kids: How It Transformed Our Relationships
As a black woman, healing with my wife and kids has been a transformative experience that has strengthened our relationships with each other positively. By working on ourselves individually and as a family unit, we've learned how to communicate better, empathize with each other's struggles, and offer support when needed most. We've also discovered new ways to have fun and create meaningful memories together, bringing us closer. Healing is a journey, but it has allowed us to become a stronger, more connected family.
Read MoreHow Co-Parenting Has Affected My View of Marriage as a Black Woman
Co-parenting has changed the way I view marriage as a black woman. Being in a healthy co-parenting relationship has shown me the importance of communication, trust, and respect in any relationship. It has also made me work harder on my relationship with my wife. We are constantly learning from each other, communicating more effectively, and supporting each other through the ups and downs of life. Our co-parenting relationship has been a strength and inspiration for our marriage. It has taught me valuable lessons about what it means to love and support your partner truly.
Read MoreConnection makes all the difference
Being married when it is done correctly changes everyone involved. As I get older, I recognize that marriage is a container that isn’t always open to drink from. People hide their true selves under the microscope of perfection. It makes it impossible for other people to grow and learn how to live in a liberating way. My wife and I have grown in the face of confusion and disappointment, and we have learned about the daily practice of sacred love. Contemplating how we love and what we need to be the best version of ourselves, we create intimacy, communicate and, of course, go to therapy.
Read MoreDoing the work
As I sit here wrapped in my thoughts, I am acutely aware of my body. All too often, we have left our bodies before we were ever given the chance to become acquainted with it. We are mere expressions of abuse, neglect + abandonment frequently being reminded of our past as we casually move throughout the world. Most of us were taught to suppress enormous amounts of information in exchange for love or care. Our trauma has played out in the desires we have that are fundamentally disproportionate to the comfort we require daily. The critical issue with quelling our triggers is often we cannot. We must become familiar with the vibrations that remind us that we have never fully recovered.
Read MoreMutual
This picture is such a true depiction of you. Always unbothered + beautiful with just enough audacity to be everything for me. Even on days when I try to convince myself that God made a mistake, you show up with a hand full of grace + a heart full of compassion. I’ve learned that loving you is like saying a prayer that is answered daily. I love you proudly + intimately bearing witness to the work the Creator is doing in your life. You anchor everything in love + for that I am grateful.
Read MoreIncessant Black Love
This is a glimpse of a spiritual partnership. The bigger the work of healing things your parents couldn’t; the higher the risk +the greater the reward. We are responsible for crossing thresholds that we could potentially fall in. This endeavor beckons us to bet on us + all the possibilities while we have yet to fully unpack the power I ancestors had. This entire journey impacts the mere foundation we tread upon daily. Our love is an offering coupled with the work it takes to withstand the totality of an experience that brings about transformation as two new human beings emerge. Its complicated!
Read MoreReflections
I am understanding that you must respect truth + all the many forms that it comes in. Pain is pervasive sometimes in that it surfaces through the most joyous moments. I honor that truth even though it can be fragile, frayed with jagged edges promising not to injure once it released…it does…at least …sometimes! Nevertheless, I take a deep breath daily as I listen to the pain of various people. Hoping not to see another failed relationship. So I hold space until we as people can ground ourselves in love + accountability. Truth always maims even when you are aware of it. It amputates limbs that have been used to oppress others from recycled trauma. It’s complicated!
Read MoreWe Are A Revolution
I am learning to love someone you have to collapse into yourself. Like really collapse to the point of humility. Real love leaves no room for ego. It requires vulnerability that devours shame + pushes you into interdependence. I am sure that years ago when I was in my 20’s if I have given into this belief, I would have drowned in my own guilt. I would not have been able to carry the mantle that “this” kind of love requires. I would have completely given in to the traditional narrative + turned all of my rage in own myself. I am sure of it!
Read MoreMaking Room For Growth
To be a woman that is unequivocally sure of herself you must be firm + reserve only the tender parts of yourself for people who have earned the right to benefit from it. The truth is to be a black, queer, woman you must learn quickly that you must walk quiet with a big stick. You can’t leave anything on the table not even a possibility for an opportunity. You must be prepared to walk away from friends + family at any moment; especially if they are interfering with the woman you are becoming. Its complicated! You must push your children to grow up + not lean to hard on you unless you give way to their desires + ultimately forget about yours. You must love your spouse with your whole heart + refuse to allow fear to keep you from committing + forgiving. God damn is it complicated!
Read MoreConsistency + Abundance = Love
There are times in life when all you know to do is surrender. Surrender to the process. the pain, the hurt + the uncertainty all in an effort to do something different while saving an entire generation. When I chose this life, this time I was sure that I wanted to live it “in love.” Not for the sake of companionship, but for the sake of growth, purpose + ease. I didn’t want to spend my life in a space of selfishness, although it was tempting. I wanted to grow. Despite sometimes being scared, I wanted to see if I was capable of being more than a liar, a cheater, a spoiled insecure black woman that needed someone to validate me. I wanted to see if I was capable of putting someone before my kids, my family + my career just for me to see the best in myself. Its entirely too complicated for this blog post.
Read MoreLove During A Pandemic
With the recent pandemic my wife + I have been creating moments to find more intimacy. You know the instances where you speak with no words; yet you understand one another. Since the kids have been home with remote learning we have made a concerted effort to stay connected because we understand that during these difficult times it is easy to lose sight of things. With a house full of HSP’s (highly sensitive people) we all must find moments to create laughter, love + tons of compassion. However, the joy is my wife + I beginning to ride this invisible wave of understanding despite children + careers. We have started to recognize the importance of loving each other through difficult moments even when we don’t want to.
Read MoreThe Call To Love
Love is something that I am learning to reverence with humility when faced with my fears. I am recognizing that standing in love is not the problem; instead its remaining still when the foundation can be easily swallowed by my ego or trampled by my pride. Some days I marvel at how far we’ve come trapped beneath all of these unmet needs + endless triggers. It’s like trying to find safety in the midst of a hurricane. I admit I have no idea how your patience holds an appetite once I’ve swallowed it whole. I acknowledge that I am afraid of the constant shifting. I wonder how things will unfold as we evolve + will our intention remain the same; pure + devoted.
Read MoreDivine Love
Relationships are so delicate + crafted by every other relationship we have experienced or the lack thereof. My wife + I often speak of how we discard people for seemingly better designs. We often think our partners will take the place of our friendships or vice versa, but truthfully all relationships have their own special space. Every dynamic deserves its own reverence. Relationships are holy. Every. Single. One.
Read MoreTaboo No More
I used to carry the weight of not knowing about the things that plagued my parents. I watched my mother crawl into bed everyday + wrap the burden of a disease un-diagnosed around her for security. We often choose religion instead of science to keep the lie our families tell us. We suffer in silence afraid to live a better quality of life. We suffer in quietness scared to let down the very people that often put us in these positions. I want to be the story that everyone desires to read because I found freedom is releasing myself from the shame of suffering.
Read More