The Quest To Model Healthy Love

We have known each other for years, but we learn more about one another daily. Raising children while raising ourselves + nurturing our union has been quite a juggling act. We have recognized that our union is always the focus. We must stay together + model healthy love not just for us but for other black queer couples. Falling in love with a fallacy is the demise of black families because we fail for an image that we never created. So we are all trying to make peace with a narrative that escaped the ship when the rest of our ancestors did.

Now that I am married, I recognize the journey I was preparing for when I was single. I was preparing to stay in love because “staying in like” is extremely overrated! It will set you up to fail + leave eyes wondering, hearts broken + beds empty. Your heart will become the heaviest lever that never desires to leave your chest. So we choose to stay “in love” even when our emotions have to catch up. Marriage isn’t for the faint of heart by any means. So we stay close.

We stay close because raising kids is an undertaking especially when they are figuring out life as well. We stay close because this love is an investment to pass on to others. We stay close because we want to nurture the feelings that allow us to still kiss passionately when the middle schooler is having a meltdown, the oldest is still figuring out who she is, the older son is just starting to find his wings + middle daughter is still trying to figure out the perfect graduate program; meanwhile the youngest son is just “young.” We believe in our love, so we stay close in order to preserve it.