Weight Of Being Me
As I get older, I slowly become aware of all there is to me. I learn to heal quicker, sit in things longer to get a better understanding, forgive quicker, love more, admit when learning a lesson is painful, and cry from a space of healing. Also, I understand that I should never compromise a whole abundant gallon size me for a watered down pint size version. So becomes the un-equipping of years of overcompensating, not speaking up, and abandoning the Divine in me.
The question, I ask myself before I even demand of anyone else is: Can I handle the weight of who I am? Often people can’t begin to download the greatness that is locked on the inside of them. I remember watching a video of Oprah giving a speech on YouTube, and as the individual that was introducing her was listing Oprah’s accomplishments; you could see that Oprah fully understood the weight of who she was and she was PROUD! Don’t you just love a woman that is unabashed about the weight of who she is and totally, completely full of herself not from a conceited place rather an absolute Divine place?
I am learning to disperse doses of Ikeranda in ways that require individuals to take me in increments. Meanwhile as I grow in my fullness, I become more honest and less ashamed of simple things like not having on make-up some days, embracing my stretch marks, smiling at the side of my mouth that goes up when I talk, saying what I want instead of what I think someone wants to hear, asking for forgiveness, loving people more even when it’s not reciprocated, leaving the door open for someone to redeem themselves, and allowing Spirit to manifest all the goodness that I feel like I deserve.
The reality is that we all have weightiness to who we are, especially as we heal all the broken parts of ourselves. We must show up and ask proudly, “Are you prepared to love me the way I feel like I deserve because if not, then you can exit the same way you entered.” Allowing goodness in our lives after we have given pieces of ourselves away can be challenging and difficult. We second-guess ourselves, wondering “What if this person doesn’t accept this glorious change?” Then they were not meant to be in your life. We should rejoice when the Creator removes people…its symbolic of our growth and the potential of people returning better than they were before or an even better person appearing.
As we heal ourselves and share a more resolved version to the world, remind people of your goodness, your limitless potential, and your willingness to do some major work that might require them to do some work too. If individuals are meant to be in your life, then there is nothing you can do to remove them…they are prepared to carry the weight of who you are. On the other hand, if individuals are not prepared to handle the weight of who you are, then there is nothing you can do to make them stay. In the words of Warsan Shire, “You are terrifying and strange and beautiful, someone not everyone knows how to love.”