Acceptance

“I have come to believe over and over again that what is most important to me must be spoken, made verbal and shared, even at the risk of having it bruised or misunderstood.” 
― Audre Lorde

I remember vividly, when I recognized that I could no longer pray away my queerness. It was as if my world ended while simultaneously crushing the dreams of my family. You do understand that everything you are rests solely on the approval of your family? Meanwhile, I was dying inside as I suppressed my feelings and stifled my pain. The truth is when I consciously decided to not accept myself, I involuntarily made myself invisible to others.

Acceptance is learned from carrying the burden of your family’s disappointments as they shove the residue of their unhealed wounds down your throat. Acceptance is acquired by listening to the pejoratives hurled at you from emotionally damaged strangers who carry the trauma of their ancestors. Acceptance is obtained when extreme moments of solitude cloak your sanity, yet you survive. Rest assured that acceptance is discovered when you make the unequivocal choice to choose you over and over again.

I learned acceptance through seasons when my mom decided the weight of my truth was too heavy to shoulder. It was during moments of isolation from the people who were supposed to love me the most which forced me to anchor myself in self-love. The sound of my thoughts bouncing off empty walls and lifeless chairs propelled me to a greater conviction of who I am today.

I believe that we all need acceptance not from our family or inner circle; but ultimately from within ourselves. The truth is that I was not seeking acceptance from family, rather I was seeking a deeper unwavering love of Ikeranda. In the words of, Warsan Shire, “You are terrifying and strange and beautiful, something that not everyone knows how to love."'