Leading With Love and Compassion
This blog is for the individual that desires more of themselves + the people in their lives.
The journey of being in community with my parents has been nothing short of, let’s just say, interesting. For most of my life, I've rarely had both of them present at the same time, and now is no different. When my father came back into my life during COVID, it felt like a turning point.
Read MoreFathers hold a substantial about of weight in a child’s life + I carry the residue of this sentiment. My existence came on the hills of my mother’s + father’s relationship which I learned later in life was destined to never stand a chance. My father wanted kids + my mother did not so I was conceived in a womb that was vacant from the beginning. I understand that children can sense everything just from the intention of the space they reside. I understood that my existence frustrated my mother not because she did not want kids, but she wanted so desperately for her marriage to work. So when my father could not remain on the pedestal society put him on, he quickly fell from grace + so went my self-worth along with the marriage.
When I think about my father + I there are few memories. Some of which are tainted with absence, addiction, laughter + hurt; yet it all tells a beautiful story of a man I never knew. When I think over the history of my life experiencing my father, I remember the silence of a man that never understood the power of his own words due to the pain of his own parents. His laughter was filled with all the things that he often desired as a child but never got to enjoy until he became a man. His stature was built from being torn down from the lack of a mothers’ touch, a father’s affirmation + a world that didn’t see the value in him. His anger was often like the wind, unpredictable + harsh; but if you were armed with the right stance you could learn a lot from his breeze.
Read MoreI have spent my entire life making sense of my parents in an effort to make peace with my childhood. When people look at a woman who has been abandoned by her father, it becomes a reflection of every other man that walked away because it was too hard to stay. Her words are often weaponized due to the experiences she has endured. She will build a fortress of barriers that will hurt her to construct but it will be safer than the embrace of a man. Her heart will often remain tucked in places she buries + forgets to check hoping someone finds it minimally damaged. Its quite complicated!
Read MoreWhen I think about my time as a young precocious girl, I am often saddened due to the loneliness I endured. There were some generations that spent more time working than speaking. I often saw adults consumed with everything but their children under the guise that we were so responsible. Unfortunately, we were too responsible for our own good. We often buried ourselves in distractions that often lead us astray. Of course I am speaking from my own lived experience, so don’t mind me. I realize that if I wanted my parent’s attention, I had to get it by misbehaving because being good often got ignored due to other pressing issues. Its complicated!
Read MoreI am convinced that my love for myself has healed my mother. It is her permission to bloom + relax even though we have years of pain to apologize for. I listen to my mother’s pain + it tells a story of what I might come across on my journey. So I pack light! Never wanting to carry more than I need. I embrace the lessons, admit when things hurt still + listen with my heart. I understand that even when we vent there is still more pain that needs to be removed. So I am reminded to be gentle with myself + her because truthfully, we are one in the same.
Read MoreSo here we are stepping into a new season. Somewhere I imagined this day. I even anticipated it. The day your moon would come to claim you as its own. I remember when you looked at me with such uncertainty, hoping that my love never diminished. Praying that this was the moment we empathized with each other because we could now understand the journey we both were taking. Isn’t it miraculous how the Universe climbs into our lap without warning only to swallow our fears and replace them with massive portions of purpose that will only fit in the Creators hands?
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