Growth or Bust

September 06, 2022 by Ikeranda Smith in black, black blended families, black mothers, children, family, Inner child healing, motherhood, parenting, relationships

I grew up in a dominant family system, raised by a single black mother who was the oldest of 12 children; I should not be the mother I am. I say this as a head nod to my mother but a revelation to myself. I should not be the mother that I am. Truthfully I can’t take the credit solely; my wife is a “G,” and in her defense, she would say that she was much more neglectful with the oldest kids. We admit that it was less to worry about when she raised the older kids. However, today we realize that to raise secure kids, you must be unequivocally secure, or someone will suffer, and I suspect it won’t be just the kids.

This Is Parenting

May 17, 2021 by Ikeranda Smith in black, black mothers, children, Inner child healing, love, life, motherhood, parenting

Imagine birthing something only to realize you had to let it go. You couldn’t possess it, + you only were allowed to facilitate their growth based on their lived experience. This is parenting. It is the mirror that most of us mistake for our reflection when it really is a glimpse of our unresolved pain. It is a blessing to see the flowers bloom that you plant, but no one ever tells you the times your heart will shatter during certain seasons. No one explains the growth you will endure by raising a part of yourself. No one discusses the guilt you carry from wanting to do everything right while thinking, “I’m failing miserably.” Maybe it’s just me.

Understanding Where I Was Fractured

April 12, 2021 by Ikeranda Smith in mental health, Inner child healing

I used to struggle understanding how someone could withstand so much pressure; yet find peace to bestow love to others. Its a learned skill that requires patience + devotion. Not at the same time; but consistently acknowledging the duality of both. Every evolution begins with a problem + for me it was my trauma. I have learned to embrace those parts of myself that were meant to be a hinderance. I have cultivated every lesson as something to pass on to others. I recognize that people crumble underneath the symptoms of trauma much quicker than just confessing the disease. Nothing is more sobering than the sound of your truth on someone else’s lips. I guess that’s why I am not afraid of being broken in an effort to be great.