Softer

Words were abused in my home + smashed against mistakes as you casually watch your self-esteem fall slowly to the ground. Disputes were adorned in extravagant gifts + gently wrapped in confrontations that never ended with forgiveness. I don’t know what resolution looks like + often times it’s an all-out tussle to find it. Sometimes it’s a street fight where no one wins + I am left with the baggage of seeing way too many adults disagree in unhealthy ways. It’s a thing!

Soft is foreign to me + often when I am reminded of my gentleness by the embrace of warm words + tight hugs; I am grateful for redemption. Being easy-going is difficult when love was withheld from you + doused in rough exchanges + tough lessons. Displaying tenderness is a challenge when families come apart at the seams + dysfunction never subsides. Surrendering your rage for sweetness is scary when you have built armor that is coated in rigid ideals + unyielding stances. I relinquish the pain of an exhausting history every day.

Now I chase tenderness + comfort with fierce conviction. I hinge every delicate word on the work I spending loving myself. I cultivate forgiveness for the ancestors that tore families apart due to unrealistic expectations.  I desire a love that dwells in the joys of life + resides in every hurdle we overcome. I am certain now more than ever that the softer side of me will come from releasing the pressure all the women had to live up to.