My Journey To Empty Nesting

Raising you + your brother has sometimes all at once been the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. It is still difficult, but I love it + sometimes all at once I cry because I love you for being so amazingly resilient. The things you give up as a parent are endless, from sleep, to just getting up + going, to hanging out when you want, to being able to have certain things to yourself + yet sometimes all at once you surrender your will + ego for the greater good. I fear that I have failed you, especially before I found myself because operating from my inner child was rough. I was petty, afraid, insecure at the ways that you loved me + I couldn’t quite love myself (not yet anyway) + then all at once you grew me up. I began to love you in ways that my mother couldn’t often being triggered by the ways that I still needed what I was giving you. It’s complicated! I tell you that sentiment often, because it is extremely complicated as I wonder will I have what it takes to give you the wings you need to soar + sometimes all at once you soar a little higher.

Lately I have been grabbing your feet because you are moving so fast as you soak up knowledge, grow out of your clothes + ask questions about things only an adult should know; yet I share as much as I can until you have the capacity to understand the rest. I cry a lot more these days while I grieve the parts of my childhood that are still sore to the touch; therefore, I am extra mindful of our interactions. As I parent myself + attend to my needs, I wonder will you remember all the things I am teaching you + the answer is you will find your way. 

So as we continue to grow individually + collectively, I give you wisdom such as; love yourself, pray for your future spouse, advocate for yourself, fight for yourself, find your purpose, forgive yourself, give to others, anchor yourself in something higher + good + sometimes all at once it arrives. It arrives when you tell me you love me or when you remind me of something I shared. It comes when you ask me about my childhood in a way that helps you understand who I am. When the time comes, I promise I will let you go + we all will have enjoyed the journey to emptying the nest.