Justikeandthetribe

Leading With Love and Compassion

This blog is for the individual that desires more of themselves + the people in their lives.

The Man I Never Knew

February 01, 2021 by Ikeranda Smith in black, black fathers, children, love, parenting, relationships, spirituality

When I think about my father + I there are few memories. Some of which are tainted with absence, addiction, laughter + hurt; yet it all tells a beautiful story of a man I never knew. When I think over the history of my life experiencing my father, I remember the silence of a man that never understood the power of his own words due to the pain of his own parents. His laughter was filled with all the things that he often desired as a child but never got to enjoy until he became a man. His stature was built from being torn down from the lack of a mothers’ touch, a father’s affirmation + a world that didn’t see the value in him. His anger was often like the wind, unpredictable + harsh; but if you were armed with the right stance you could learn a lot from his breeze.

Reflections

January 25, 2021 by Ikeranda Smith in black, LGBTQIA, love, marriage, queer, purpose, relationships

I am understanding that you must respect truth + all the many forms that it comes in. Pain is pervasive sometimes in that it surfaces through the most joyous moments. I honor that truth even though it can be fragile, frayed with jagged edges promising not to injure once it released…it does…at least …sometimes! Nevertheless, I take a deep breath daily as I listen to the pain of various people. Hoping not to see another failed relationship. So I hold space until we as people can ground ourselves in love + accountability. Truth always maims even when you are aware of it. It amputates limbs that have been used to oppress others from recycled trauma. It’s complicated!

New Beginning With Ike

January 11, 2021 by Ikeranda Smith in black, black fathers, relationships, personal growth

I have spent my entire life making sense of my parents in an effort to make peace with my childhood. When people look at a woman who has been abandoned by her father, it becomes a reflection of every other man that walked away because it was too hard to stay. Her words are often weaponized due to the experiences she has endured. She will build a fortress of barriers that will hurt her to construct but it will be safer than the embrace of a man. Her heart will often remain tucked in places she buries + forgets to check hoping someone finds it minimally damaged. Its quite complicated!

We Are A Revolution

January 04, 2021 by Ikeranda Smith in black, love, loveislove, LGBTQIA, marriage, relationships

I am learning to love someone you have to collapse into yourself. Like really collapse to the point of humility. Real love leaves no room for ego. It requires vulnerability that devours shame + pushes you into interdependence. I am sure that years ago when I was in my 20’s if I have given into this belief, I would have drowned in my own guilt. I would not have been able to carry the mantle that “this” kind of love requires. I would have completely given in to the traditional narrative + turned all of my rage in own myself. I am sure of it!

Making Room For Growth

December 28, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in black, black mothers, LGBTQIA, love, personal growth

To be a woman that is unequivocally sure of herself you must be firm + reserve only the tender parts of yourself for people who have earned the right to benefit from it. The truth is to be a black, queer, woman you must learn quickly that you must walk quiet with a big stick. You can’t leave anything on the table not even a possibility for an opportunity. You must be prepared to walk away from friends + family at any moment; especially if they are interfering with the woman you are becoming. Its complicated! You must push your children to grow up + not lean to hard on you unless you give way to their desires + ultimately forget about yours. You must love your spouse with your whole heart + refuse to allow fear to keep you from committing + forgiving. God damn is it complicated!

Preparing For A New Season

December 21, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in black, history, life, love, purpose, queer

At some point in life, you wake up + realize that everything you desire must be obtained on your own. This sentiment gathers me because I realize that so many people are holding on to things they should have already released. We make things difficult for fear of having to face ourselves. We much prefer to help others see themselves by gently turning the mirror towards the face of a reflection we haven’t recognized in ourselves yet. Its complicated! I wish people understood that the way to freedom is to turn inward. Perhaps if people had a choice to save their life or the life of another person they would unequivocally redeem someone else for fear of not being enough.

Meditate

December 14, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in black, history, life, love, purpose, queer, spirituality

My mind is often consumed with petitions graciously offered up to the Creator. It is important to remain in my lane with the awareness that I am constantly becoming. I have tried to simplify my mission, clarify my space + the individuals in it. I’m speaking of modifying my distractions + the amount of times I have to re-learn the same lesson. I am conveying the only thing that matters to me is showing up for me. If it seems selfish then clearly you lack boundaries, your filter is low + you are dolling out obligations to people that are getting you further away from your goals. I suggest that all people choose themselves.. First! Healing is imminent whether you accept it or not.

Thriving While Black

December 07, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in black, careers, financial freedom, generational wealth, life, purpose

In this season of my life, I am beginning to recognize the subtleties that connect trauma to lack. I understand that finding my worth was paramount to so many other things in my life. Truthfully, it is my natural instinct to struggle as a black woman just because of the historical narrative attached to what it means to be a black woman. So much of my healing has been unpacking my lack + the narrative surrounding how I view myself in a world that diminishes my very existence. Its complicated! My mother lived in a constant state of scarcity due to the effort that was exerted on something she didn’t understand …her worth.

Ultra Black

November 30, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in black, life, relationships

There are moments + times when your family is created by difficult circumstances designed to tear you apart. They happen so suddenly that you are unable to prepare for them. You know the situations that leave the family in disarray + everyone heartbroken; frayed from unspoken truths. Often times you are left with the reality that we “just didn’t talk enough.”

Consistency + Abundance = Love

November 23, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in black, LGBTQIA, life, marriage, loveislove, personal growth, purpose, queer

There are times in life when all you know to do is surrender. Surrender to the process. the pain, the hurt + the uncertainty all in an effort to do something different while saving an entire generation. When I chose this life, this time I was sure that I wanted to live it “in love.” Not for the sake of companionship, but for the sake of growth, purpose + ease. I didn’t want to spend my life in a space of selfishness, although it was tempting. I wanted to grow. Despite sometimes being scared, I wanted to see if I was capable of being more than a liar, a cheater, a spoiled insecure black woman that needed someone to validate me. I wanted to see if I was capable of putting someone before my kids, my family + my career just for me to see the best in myself. Its entirely too complicated for this blog post.

Canada’s Corner

November 09, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in black, black mothers, children, love, parenting, relationships

When I think about my time as a young precocious girl, I am often saddened due to the loneliness I endured. There were some generations that spent more time working than speaking. I often saw adults consumed with everything but their children under the guise that we were so responsible. Unfortunately, we were too responsible for our own good. We often buried ourselves in distractions that often lead us astray. Of course I am speaking from my own lived experience, so don’t mind me. I realize that if I wanted my parent’s attention, I had to get it by misbehaving because being good often got ignored due to other pressing issues. Its complicated!

The Evolution of Mavis

November 02, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in black, black mothers, motherhood, spirituality, relationships

I am convinced that my love for myself has healed my mother. It is her permission to bloom + relax even though we have years of pain to apologize for. I listen to my mother’s pain + it tells a story of what I might come across on my journey. So I pack light! Never wanting to carry more than I need. I embrace the lessons, admit when things hurt still + listen with my heart. I understand that even when we vent there is still more pain that needs to be removed. So I am reminded to be gentle with myself + her because truthfully, we are one in the same.

Love During A Pandemic

October 19, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in black, LGBTQIA, life, love, loveislove, marriage, purpose, queer, relationships

With the recent pandemic my wife + I have been creating moments to find more intimacy. You know the instances where you speak with no words; yet you understand one another. Since the kids have been home with remote learning we have made a concerted effort to stay connected because we understand that during these difficult times it is easy to lose sight of things. With a house full of HSP’s (highly sensitive people) we all must find moments to create laughter, love + tons of compassion. However, the joy is my wife + I beginning to ride this invisible wave of understanding despite children + careers. We have started to recognize the importance of loving each other through difficult moments even when we don’t want to.

Being In Service

October 12, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in black, black middle class, careers, education, life, purpose, relationships

Whenever I am asked to do anything I always consider two things: is this person representative of the things I value + how can God use me to be a vessel. It is important for me to remain a student worthy of the spaces that the Universe allows me to enter. It is central to my beliefs to remain relatable to my audience so that my message doesn’t get misconstrued by an inflated ego. It is imperative for me to always remain humble, kind + teachable so that the person that I am makes room for the person I am becoming.

The Call To Love

October 05, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in black, LGBTQIA, marriage, loveislove, love, relationships, spirituality

Love is something that I am learning to reverence with humility when faced with my fears. I am recognizing that standing in love is not the problem; instead its remaining still when the foundation can be easily swallowed by my ego or trampled by my pride. Some days I marvel at how far we’ve come trapped beneath all of these unmet needs + endless triggers. It’s like trying to find safety in the midst of a hurricane. I admit I have no idea how your patience holds an appetite once I’ve swallowed it whole. I acknowledge that I am afraid of the constant shifting. I wonder how things will unfold as we evolve + will our intention remain the same; pure + devoted.

Incessant Black Joy

September 28, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in black, black mothers, children, love, parenting, motherhood, relationships

Parenting is hard for reasons that you can’t begin to write in one post. Its intricate, overwhelming, amazing, frightening, stressful, unbelievably joyous; yet every day I sit before the Creator + wonder “Hey God you sure I’m the right one for this gig?” I look at my son + intentionally teach him how to unravel himself from all the constructs the world tries to enforce upon him. Affirming him is my daily prayer, my first cup of coffee before I enter my day. It’s complicated!

Divine Love

September 21, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in black, LGBTQIA, life, love, marriage, relationships, spirituality

Relationships are so delicate + crafted by every other relationship we have experienced or the lack thereof. My wife + I often speak of how we discard people for seemingly better designs. We often think our partners will take the place of our friendships or vice versa, but truthfully all relationships have their own special space. Every dynamic deserves its own reverence. Relationships are holy. Every. Single. One.

Taboo No More

September 14, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in black, children, history, LGBTQIA, life, love, mental health, personal growth, relationships, spirituality

I used to carry the weight of not knowing about the things that plagued my parents. I watched my mother crawl into bed everyday + wrap the burden of a disease un-diagnosed around her for security. We often choose religion instead of science to keep the lie our families tell us. We suffer in silence afraid to live a better quality of life. We suffer in quietness scared to let down the very people that often put us in these positions. I want to be the story that everyone desires to read because I found freedom is releasing myself from the shame of suffering.

Forgiveness: The New Antidote

September 07, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in black, LGBTQIA, life, love, loveislove, marriage, personal growth, queer, relationships

Making relationships work with another human being comes at a high price especially when you are trying to do something you have never witnessed. Partnerships are messy, raising children can be complicated + loving yourself in the process of unpacking another individual’s trauma can bring about a whole new set of challenges. I am convinced that Spirit had a sense of humor when they constructed the beautiful idea of connecting with another individual.

Loving You Is Communion

August 31, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in black, love, LGBTQIA, loveislove, marriage, queer, relationships

When I look at you I am reminded of all the petitions I have asked of the Creator. You + I are so non-traditional; yet we are anchored in love. Not the adoration that is whimsical drenched in false narratives. Not the admiration that lives for the surface dynamics with massive amounts of sex without substance. We aren’t even the appreciation that only speaks of the good because those of us that are really breaking generational trauma fully understand that love is far from cliché + if you are making it work you are doing everything different than what your family did.