Justikeandthetribe

Leading With Love and Compassion

This blog is for the individual that desires more of themselves + the people in their lives.

Deliberately Nurturing

May 14, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, life, love, parenting, motherhood, personal growth, women of color

When met with the daily task of parenting I am often reminded that all of life’s situations serve the purpose of your spiritual evolvement. However, when you are tasked go within yourself in search of the emotional lessons during a common reoccurring show down of parent vs kid; everything that happens to you is significant. Am I still parenting myself? Hell yes! Do I feel like I am a good parent considering all of my faults? Absolutely! Nevertheless, am I often triggered by parenting? Yes, yes, yes! To be honest, my children are growing me up. They are maturing me in ways that my childhood left no room for. The sad byproduct of a parent with unmet needs is the humbling realization that I can either be completely authentic or perpetually embarrassed. So I choose to respectfully surrender my wills to the power of accepting myself (flaws + all) so that I can selflessly accept my children in all of their wonderful glory.

When Winter Comes In Spring

May 10, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in love, life, loveislove, mental health, people of color, personal growth, relationships, women of color

There is a saintly aura that transcends my life every time seasons change. I can feel it in my bones, my back aches + my mind tries to coerce my spirit into thinking this feeling will pass, but the flesh won’t allow it to subside. It is no surprise that I am deeply introspective + probably more honest than others care for me to be. Blame it on my tragic beginning, all the hearts I broke, the lies I told + the trauma I ingested. I gather my mistakes + rinse them daily because unlike most people I see myself clearly because I like my coffee dark with lots of self- reflection. I sit in every choice + every regret until I can cover every circumstance in forgiveness. Lately I’ve experienced all kind of loss which reminds me that I’m still learning how to let grief take a seat until its ready to vacate my sanctuary.

Looking For The Door

April 09, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, education, history, LGBTQIA, life, love, loveislove, marriage, motherhood, parenting, people of color, personal growth, purpose, queer, relationships, spirituality, women of color

I have been searching diligently, quietly summoning every ancestor while chasing my purpose fully understanding that the Creator + I are in a deep covenant. I question every intention, every motivation, ensuring that my will is put in check + that my ego is buried. I die to myself daily debating my choices, scrutinizing every word that falls from my lips. Why? Because I know that I am responsible for everyone that comes across my path. I am crystal clear about many things in my life, but some things are extremely blurry; terrifyingly unclear to the point that I am often left humbled to a whisper. Often crouched in a corner with tears streaming, staring aimlessly at my plans hoping they align with the Most High.

And We Mourn Some More

April 05, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, history, life, love, motherhood, parenting, people of color, personal growth, purpose, relationships, spirituality, women of color

Lately, I have been mourning the parts of me that carry the pain of holding onto my will for so long. I ache at the thought of surrendering + I cringe at the work that is going into relinquishing years of trauma. My muscles are bruised from the plight of being a single mother. There are parts of me that collapse under years of silence; having to stuff down fragmented sentences hoping that later they would make sense. Make no mistake, the heart listens to the suppressed emotions that eventually manifests in our bodies + the deeper burden is to be aware of it all. With every bit of knowledge and acknowledgment there comes an inevitable lingering despair which beckons us to forgive.

Hey Sis!

March 18, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, life, love, parenting, motherhood, people of color, purpose, personal growth, relationships, women of color, womensupportingwomen

To carry the intersections of being black + a woman on the carousel of life while juggling the intersections of class + gender one must dissect the tradition of overcoming being a black woman. The black woman has endured destruction at every door + sometimes at the hand of her own mother, the mere reflection of her own likeness has been betrayed by generations of abandoned women. Unfortunately, even herself is not beyond her own suspicion. It’s complicated! She’s intelligent; but often insecure. She’s attractive, but often undesirable because her attitude reeks of rejection. She’s extremely loving, but unapproachable. She wears abandonment like cashmere; unemotional yet refined. Everyone has overlooked her; therefore, she must display a disposition of being perpetually guarded. God forbid she is exposed as false with all the blankets of contradictions. Striving in her career to overcompensate for the relationship she longs for. Playing interpersonal relationships like chess; never working with women who may challenge her for fear of being seen as an imposter. Dismissive at best; intimidated at worst. We struggle being seen because we have been overlooked for so long.

Spirit

March 04, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in life, love, personal growth, personal development, purpose, spirituality

I not quite sure if I acknowledge you enough, though you are stapled to the top of my mouth, etched in my heart + forever on my mind. I am not even sure if I release the right amount of petitions, or shine bright enough for others to see where my light truly illuminates from. I don’t even think that my knees bend as many times as they should to allow my ego a break from drowning your voice. I often feel the weight of the questions that linger way after you remind me of your consistent faithfulness. Yet, I climb out of bed every morning with just enough of you to face my day, a mere fraction of you to share with others as a gentle reminder of your amazing love.

Complexities of Being Black

February 26, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, history, LGBTQIA, life, love, loveislove, personal growth, personal development, relationships, women of color, people of color

There is a heartbreaking tenderness about black folks. A majestic story that is spoken through stolen slaves + subjugated bodies. Our faces are centuries away from our soul; yet we carry the smile of humanness. An accessibility we would allow if we knew how to enter our own spirits. It’s evident that our feet carry the shackles of insecurities proven to shatter relationships when we come up against our own likeness. We struggle to love due to the threats that were made to keep us isolated. Oh, how I love being black. Did you think I wouldn’t after I divulged some of our frailties? Despite our struggles, we are larger than life, precious jewels that create art through our pain while we use laughter as a salve to heal so that we may survive yet another day.

To Be Black

February 01, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, history, LGBTQIA, life, love, personal growth, queer, relationships, women of color

The weight of my skin wakes me up every single morning. I am jolted by the day begging me to be quieter + less black. I crawl out of bed pulling the hopes of my ancestors from under years of self-degradation praying that my parent’s trauma doesn’t trip me up today. Trusting that my vernacular is articulate enough to get your attention because most days I am injured by the explanations; bruised by the shape-shifting + code switching. Transforming to fit into something worthy of being acceptable + magnificent. Grasping the understanding that we wouldn’t return or recover. Reminded that being glorious is dangerous, especially when you are black. Warriors must walk lightly taking into consideration their gifts as well as their frailties. We hail from things that are fascinating, but up close can be misconstrued as ice sculptures; gorgeous + emotionless.

Welcome 2019

January 09, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in life, love, personal development, personal growth, queer, women of color

Every year I enter into a space of deep reflection, not because of overzealous expectations or unrequited interactions. Nor do I feel the need to astound others by overcompensating for the work that is still in progress. Yet and still, I cross the threshold of another year with the weight of things I have incessantly ingested due to realizing I have reached an all new capacity of desiring more. Not more things to perturb me or lofty things that only make others feel that I have arrived. Not even more ostentatious relationships that drain me from the moment salutations are exchanged. Some things take up residence in our bodies + redirect our intentions for no other reason than to waste our time + delay our purpose.

Thank you 2018

December 31, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in life, love, personal development, personal growth, queer, women of color, womensupportingwomen

Life is mysterious + magical in the most ironic way. It can be filled with deep sadness; yet infused with the most exuberant moments. My existence was tested this year when I was met with the challenge of being married + navigating a long distance relationship while my wife wrapped up her old life to build a new one with me. My entire creation was questioned when I made the decision to remove my mother from my life while being an only child with an estranged father. Meanwhile, the ancestors were working on my behalf as I was navigating the laborious process of purchasing my first home. Not to mention, I was on the cusp of turning 40 + not a minute too soon. Evolution was demanding a more resolved woman that didn’t consume the room upon entrance with heavily weighted credentials but a voice doused in quiet strength determined to chart her own path.

Parenting From The Highest Place

December 31, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in love, life, personal growth, parenting, motherhood, queer, relationships, women of color

When I reflect on my years as a parent, I often wonder how am I doing it. I am astonished at how I am able to give my children the very things I missed as a child. I am overwhelmed at how I speak to them + acknowledge their every effort. I am surprised at how I am intentional about exposing them in an effort to spark conversations that will give them the space to be critical thinkers. I often remind my children that I would be remiss if I didn’t confess that I am far from Mary Poppins + I am not even reminiscent of a Claire Huxtable; yet somehow I manage to give them what I never received.

Always On

December 10, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in careers, leadership, life, personal development, personal growth, queer, women of color, women's rights, white fragility, relationships

When I walk into a room oftentimes I am cloaked in numerous statistics, concealed by my accolades, + accosted by an overzealous presumptuous person who often feels like I don’t belong. Sometimes I am even exhausted from the door by the frequent questions that only demand the need for my respect or the lack thereof. Moreover, I am never surprised when I have to overlook someone for thinking that their effort with cross-cultural dialogue has now yielded recognition for something they are still unpacking. It’s a thing!

Softer

December 03, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in history, life, love, personal development, personal growth, queer, women of color, womensupportingwomen

Words were abused in my home + smashed against mistakes as you casually watch your self-esteem fall slowly to the ground. Disputes were adorned in extravagant gifts + gently wrapped in confrontations that never ended with forgiveness. I don’t know what resolution looks like + often times it’s an all-out tussle to find it. Sometimes it’s a street fight where no one wins + I am left with the baggage of seeing way too many adults disagree in unhealthy ways. It’s a thing!

We Never Recovered

November 28, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in life, personal growth, relationships, personal development, women of color, history

How do you heal from years of trauma inflicted from one generation to the next? How do you carry the weight of pain that was allocated on you just because it was too heavy to keeping lifting? I am convinced that the residue from years of silenced fears + broken families + illegitimate children coupled with physical + verbal abuse has seemingly disabled us. It has seeped into our homes, coated our walls, soaked our furniture + broken our spirits. We are branded with the scars of perilous times + memories of the middle passage.

Finding Peace

November 07, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in life, personal development, personal growth, queer, womanaremagic, women of color

I’ve been trying to nestle into a new space, find solace in fulfilling work, create the marriage I never saw while raising secure children. Looking for a gentle place where security is a constant, love is mirrored daily + my children can thrive is a delicate balancing act. It’s seems effortless as I ravel off years of rhetoric coupled with theories doused in all the residencies I attended just to be able to apply knowledge to my own life. The mere fact that I can write such a candid narrative is evidence that the scars of my ancestors are being healed.

Evolving

October 23, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in careers, education, leadership, life, personal growth, queer, women of color, womanaremagic

Finding my place in the world has been exhilarating, disconcerting, and often times intimidating. After a few missteps in life, I have slowly learned to do what feels beneficial to me. Ironically, in a world full of pretentious over-doers, I have often felt like my best wasn’t good enough. While all accomplishments are commendable, I have learned that some are often disregarded because they don’t look successful enough by society’s standards. If your hustle is otherworldly like mine, then you quietly devote your life to the things that will allow you to keep your integrity and ultimately make you happy.

The Man Behind My Name

October 17, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in life, parenting, personal development, personal growth, relationships, women of color, queer

My father is a strong man. Yet, when I was younger he wasn’t tough enough to stay faithful, or solid enough to be present, not even sturdy enough to be drug-free, and definitely not robust enough to not be physically and verbally abusive. I believe that you have to fully understand a person in order to see the good in them (trust me, I am going somewhere with this). I don’t believe in making excuses for people because some things are just unacceptable! However, clarity is a powerful thing when coupled with understanding.

Weight Of Being Me

October 08, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in life, personal development, personal growth, women of color

As I get older, I slowly become aware of all there is to me. I learn to heal quicker, sit in things longer to get a better understanding, forgive quicker, love more, admit when learning a lesson is painful, and cry from a space of healing. Also, I understand that I should never compromise a whole abundant gallon size me for a watered down pint size version. So becomes the un-equipping of years of overcompensating, not speaking up, and abandoning the Divine in me.

Acceptance

October 02, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in life, personal growth, personal development, queer, relationships, women of color, womanaremagic

I remember vividly, when I recognized that I could no longer pray away my queerness. It was as if my world ended while simultaneously crushing the dreams of my family. You do understand that everything you are rests solely on the approval of your family? Meanwhile, I was dying inside as I suppressed my feelings and stifled my pain. The truth is when I consciously decided to not accept myself, I involuntarily made myself invisible to others.

Adjust Your Feelings To The Fact

September 17, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in women of color, relationships, life, personal growth, personal development

How you feel in life matters about 10 % of the time, and what you do about what you feel matters about 90%. It has taken over half of my life to realize this one simple sentiment and it has been so beneficial to my growth. Often times in life we lead every interaction with “how we feel”. Forget what is being said, overlook that we need to learn, disregard that we did something insolent, ignore that we need to change, stop thinking about the fact that we need to grow and that growth is essential.